Can't Take That Away From Me

I first heard the words to this song while listening to the first Mariah Carey album I ever owned, Rainbow. I was about 12 and a lot was happening in my life. The words and the music made this song one of my all time favorites. I was not bullied or anything, but I was very insecure. This song helped me to keep my head up and always believe in myself. They also helped me to keep my dreams alive no matter what. The opening lyrics - “They can say anything they want to say, try to bring me down, but I will not allow anyone to succeed hanging clouds over me” – are so powerful. These words say; “let them talk, they are going to, but don’t listen, don’t let words from others cause you to ever feel like you are less than you ought to be.” That is what they say to me. Further down in the chorus, it says that the world might “try, but they can’t take that away from me”. I just love this song. I always return to it in good times and especially in difficult episodes of my life. It is amazing how powerful the words of a song can be and this song is just timeless. It has been with me for about fourteen years now and it never gets old. It is very important to remember that your adversaries are only as strong as you allow them to be and to try hard to keep them out of your head. It is a beautiful song and I will always cherish it.

Brown Skin Melody

 

She is in her element

Her majestic hair reaches to the heavens in loose or kinky tendrils

Each [strand or] chord, their own unique arrangement having their own soliloquy

Her soul windows which belie notes of pain, keeps a bewitching gaze

The fullness of her lips, in many shades or hues holds you in tune with the cadence of her voice

She has strong shoulders, meant to carry her share

She is in her element

The sway of her hips, the rhythm of her swing, a good complement

She has the walk of a lioness, perusing her domain

Her tones vary from coconut to mahogany to ebony

All in harmony, her body, her instrument

[She is woman, resilient, poised and free]

 

 

 

 

Oppositely Speaking - A Modern Day Contradiction

Do you remember the days when we used to speak normally? When 'mad' actually meant insane or crazy and 'sick', actually meant ill or not well. Well, in a way they have the same meaning, just not really. Confusing? I know. Nowadays, we might hear a drummer, for instance and say something like "That drummer is ridiculous!" This is actually a compliment meaning that he is extremely talented. Crazy, right? Or we might see someone do 'wicked', 'insane', 'sick' stunts with their car. All of which mean awesome, crazy (good) and so on.

I remember the first time I referred to something as being 'mad' to my mom. She was like, is that good or bad? I would say; "mad - good mommy". You would think that it is the new way of speaking for our  generation, but its not. Older folk are catching on to the fad  as  it sounds totally cool, at least to us it does.

Of course, we have to look at the context in which it is used, because, if a doctor says you are sick, he does not mean that you are awesome, he means you are not well - it is a fact, a warning, so do something about it. These words still have their literal meaning, you can verify by checking your dictionary or Google them.  So it appears that one has to be leery of the situation in which these 'opposites' might be used. Then again, if you have been living under a rock for the past ten years, you might be a bit baffled by this "modern day language".

I do not know what this means for the development of mankind, it does seem like a step back in the area of language, but it could be seen as a step forward for some if you actually understand that what they mean is the positive opposite of what they said. Positive opposite? I don't even know if that's a term. What I do know is that this trend doesn't seem to be going anywhere any time soon.

What do you think?

Bentonite Clay and My Hair - A Love Story

It was an ordinary day when these two happened to meet. Bentonite Clay was mixed with ACV and water to a yoghurt like consistency in a non metallic container. My Hair was spritzed with water as I applied the mask in sections. The union was electric. It was so easy to put in to my hair, it just glided through my strands and I just wanted to play a symphony as it met every strand of hair on my head. So satisfying.

I had some mixture left over, so I applied to my face. I thought, why not? No need to keep my face jealous (although it gets sooo much of my attention daily). Any way I covered my hair with a steam cap so it could have some privacy with Bentonite. (snicker, snicker) :) Also to keep it from drying on My Hair, we don't want that! :) They got around twenty minutes as that was all the time my face could take before it was completely immobile. I looked liked a swamp monster, but ah well, all for the sake of beauty.

Rinse time. Hopped into the shower, made sure water was nice and warm and gave my envious face some attention first. Oh yeah, my face was happy. Now on to My Hair. Time to give Bentonite the heave ho! We made sure the water was a little bit more warm and proceeded to rinse, rinse, rinse. After I ensured that everything was gone, I did a co-wash (washing with conditioner) since, the hair mask was clarifying, I didn't want to over do it with hair stripping shampoo. Gave my hair a shake, squeeze, style with my Shea butter concoction of course. (I must say, it was way easier to style than normal) When hair was completely dry I unraveled my twists (my hair was so nice and soft). OMG! My hair was in love. Every single curl was defined to the max!!! (sorry, no sensible pics) My hair was sooooo soft and sooooo gloriously curly!!! I did not want to take my hands out of my hair. If this is what love is, then My Hair and Bentonite will be seeing each other way more often. I wish I took a nice photo, but next time, I guess.

Fun Facts:

• Bentonite Clay is also called Montmorillonite. 
• It is sedimentary clay made up of weathered and aged volcanic ash. 
• It is a very effective healing clay used for internal and external ailments.
• It expands when wet
• People use it for masks (facial and for the hair), pedicures, body wraps, problem skin, bee stings, and the list goes on.
• Naturalists like myself, love it to bring back life to hair

Source: mountainroseherbs.com,  herbalhut.com

Have fun with your hair!

Colorism

So, it is the last day of the best month in the year! It Is my birth month, the "love month", and, who can forget - it is Black History Month. This year is also a leap year, so my month has 29 days. With all that down, I just want to focus on the Black History aspect of it. Or maybe just something to do with black people. Colorism. If you are not familiar with this word (because I sure wasn't until I read a magazine article), then here is a definition:

Colorism is discrimination in which human beings are accorded differing social treatment based on skin color. The preference often gets translated into economic status because of opportunities for work. Colorism can be found across the world. [en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colorism]


Familiar with it now? Okay. This might not just be limited to blacks, but it is even a problem among us. Where, if you are black and you have lighter skin, then you are more favored than say, someone with darker skin. It even transcends to more than just skin tone, there is also the issue of the "nappiness" of the hair, something I'm passionate about. This is a problem, and surprisingly, still exists today. In my opinion, its just as bad as racism and all the other bad "isms"out there. Some people may not even be aware that they are practicing it and the influence it has on people,  children in particular, who eventually grow up to be adults who think something is wrong with them. Case in point, I was at a family gathering with my son and an aunt of his (who has soft curly hair) says "Bwoi yuh really get the nigga hair." (This is Jamaican for "Son, you have really nappy hair.") Of course, he is a baby, so he doesn't know what she was talking about, but I did, and out of respect for her, I did not address it. But it lingered....
I had memories of myself as a young girl with extra thick and long 4c, 4b hair sitting between mommy's legs to endure the tortures of the pressing comb to make my hair more "manageable". Then at the age of 8, having it relaxed, then years and years of all that thickness being depleted due to lack of knowledge or ignorance on my part since I had no clue of how to take care of it, relaxed or not. I eventually went back to my roots though, as an adult who learned as much as I could about my God-given hair and how to take care of it. Let's just say I now have a long term relationship with Shea butter, oils (jojoba, olive oil, etc), water and wide-toothed combs.
Anyways, what that aunt said lingered and, obviously I never forgot. That is Colorism plain and simple. I'm sure she was not aware of it though as she was assimilated into what seems to be the norm, just like me. Here's a poem I found which shows how bad this view of color is:

“If you’re black, stay back;
if you’re brown, stick around;
if you’re yellow, you’re mellow;
if you’re white, you’re all right.”

 Isn't this just sad? This mentions all races, but it clearly explains why people go to extreme measures, such as skin bleaching and hair straightening to "get ahead" in life. There have also been studies among university students which show that black people with lighter skin are more attractive. In my opinion, the color of someone's skin should not be the deciding factor when it comes to relationships or anything for that matter. If we are so "black and proud", then why all this nonsense about skin tone? Does it matter to you? Does the color of someone's skin mean they are not qualified for a job? Ridiculous! Does it mean something is wrong with them? And what, for the love of fries, is wrong with a nappy fro?! Well, I surely do not have a problem with mine, and I wear it whenever I feel like it. I love who I am and society will certainly not dictate to me what they think beauty is. Yeah, I said it. Please, bear with me, I do not have a problem with relaxed hair or skin tones, black is beautiful however you wear it. I am just irritated that Colorism still exists and more and more people are being led to believe that something is wrong with them because society (including their own family) has a problem with how they look.

There is also the case of segregation amongst blacks due to lighter or darker tones. For example "she's so brown, she thinks she's all that" and so on. This may lead to a child or two being segregated in a class where darker tones are predominant. I did not personally experience this, but I'm darker toned so I wouldn't know. However, I did observe lighter toned kids being more popular or more noticed by adults in some instances. In the eyes of children though, the person next to them is just another child, they do not "see in color", if you know what I mean. It is thus, our job that they remain that way. Empower their minds, show them who they are, let them be proud of who they are so they don't resort to "bleaching" their skin or whatever other body alterations they might be pressured into doing. Stop and think before you make a careless remark.
Children live what they learn. The only way to stop this cycle is through knowledge and a strong determination to end it. Say I'm black and I'm proud and mean it and not think I'm black and frown because of it. Our forefathers certainly were not frowning when they made strides which changed the world.
 

Not-so-perfect mom.

It hit me that I am definitely not the perfect mom I set out to be when I yelled at my son and told him to stop crying one night. He was so shocked, then hurt, and so was I. It really hurt me more than it did him as he soon forgot about it after I picked him up, sang his favorite song and played a little game with him. I couldn't stop thinking about it though. Why on earth did I do that? Was it sleep deprivation? Am I spoiling him? Do I have too much on my mind?..... Endless questions kept floating in and out of my head as I lay in bed after he finally went to sleep.

So I decided to try to be more conscious that this is a very receptive little person and try to be more calm if I can. But it is hard work. If motherhood was so hard, how did my mom make it look so easy? Or maybe I wasn't really paying attention when I was growing up. Or maybe I was. I don't know. In high school, I got "most likely to be a good parent" in my yearbook. That was pretty interesting as the only thing I ever envisioned to do with my life was to be a mom and travel a lot. Sounds unrealistic doesn't it? Well, those were my secret dreams. On the outside I told people I wanted to be a housekeeper; then lawyer or historian when people started laughing at that; then doctor when I figured I was good at sciences and I wanted to help people; then journalist because of my cravings for adventure and writing; then pharmacist because they were in demand and I was so "hard-working", I could be whatever I wanted. Then engineer, chemical engineer at that, because I wanted to go to the same school as my then boyfriend and that career sounded pretty attractive, I could travel to Venezuela and work there. Which is what I spent three years of my life studying before I decided to stop before finishing as I got married, then pregnant and had to leave the country. Three very full, adventurous, short years. So, here I put family ahead of everything and, no, I did not marry that boyfriend who I wanted to go to university with. Pretty sure that was a very dumb decision maker. Anyway, that leads me to my being a mom, a not-so-perfect mom and how to deal with this thing called motherhood.

I am young and went it into this one quite blind, no road map of what to do's and what not to do's. But some things seem to come naturally. Like me knowing that that crying means hunger and that that one means sleepy when he was younger. Or me knowing that he just wants to be held, and that it is better to have real conversations with him even though he can't verbally respond as yet. Bitter-sweet things I'm sure he won't remember, but I will. It is a gift to be a mom, as children are gifts, very precious gifts. My heart beats stronger when I see him growing and changing everyday and smile at the man that I think he might be one day. I love it! I am also more calm when he decides to have an I-don't-want-to-sleep-crying-fit. I guess its all about taking things in stride. One day at a time with lots of praying between.

"Blessed and highly favored"

obstacles

How do you deal with obstacles in your life? Do you go over them, under them or show that obstacle who is boss and go through them? Whatever you decide to do with them, I'm sure you realize by now that you will be faced with them, they are an inevitable circumstance of life. Some people use them as stepping stones, others perceive them as being huge boulders that block their path and ultimately get dismayed, give up or appear to be a bit momentarily downtrodden.  
"The rock that is an obstacle in the path of one person becomes a stepping stone in the path of another" - Author Unknown
If you are a Christian like me, you should be aware that they are a test of faith, a means of growing closer/ forming a more intimate relationship with our Lord.
"Consider it pure joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces perseverance." James 1:2-3
I can tell you from experience that if you keep your head above the water and stay in the race, you will overcome that obstacle. You should take it as a learning tool and learn from it. The lesson of the day is PERSEVERANCE. Obstacles are just that, obstacles - a thing that blocks one's way or prevents or hinders progress. Root word THING. If it is a thing, then it can be overcome. Just be persistent.
"If you consistently do the best you can, with integrity, you will regret less and move forward with greater ease." - Brian Koslow
Remember that Jesus loves us and to show how much he loves us he puts us in situations that make us yearn for him even more. The power of faith, even mustard seed faith, can take us though any obstacle that should present itself in our paths.
"As you know, we count as blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy." James 5:11
So, I leave you with a simple request; when faced with an obstacle, could you pray about it, use it as a stepping stool and not give up? That is all I ask.

Blessed and Highly favored.